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How to Break Through Donor Silence (Without Feeling Desperate)

• Mary Petersen

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Welcome back, fundraiser! In this episode, we're tackling one of the most head-scratching (and heart-sinking) experiences in major gift fundraising: donor silence.

Ever had a warm, engaged prospect suddenly vanish into the abyss of unread emails and unreturned voicemails? You're not alone—and you're definitely not doing anything wrong.

In this episode, you'll learn:

  • Why donors really go silent (hint: it’s usually not personal)
  • What not to say when following up (no guilt trips allowed)
  •  What to say instead—4 proven re-engagement templates
  • How to restart the conversation with confidence (even after 6 months)
  • When to “bless and release” a prospect and protect your energy

Plus, I’m sharing my 3-touch outreach method and what to do when a donor ghosts you again after reconnecting.

🎯 Key Takeaway: Donor silence isn’t a door closing—it’s a pause. And you get to decide when (and how) to press play again.

🔁 If this episode helped, follow the podcast, leave a review, and share with a colleague who’s currently being ghosted!

💻 Connect with Mary Petersen

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If you’re tired of leaving donor meetings with no gift, no timeline, and no follow-up plan, it’s time to learn the strategy that changes everything.
Check out Major Donor Meeting Mastery — my signature course that shows you exactly how to create momentum in the meeting, not after it.

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SPEAKER_00:

Hi friends, welcome to the Hey Fundraiser Podcast. I'm your host, Mary Peterson, and whether you're a frontline fundraiser, an executive director, a board member, or someone just wanting to make an impact in your community, this podcast is for you. We cover all facets of fundraising, and our main objective is to give you ideas and inspiration to help you raise more money. Join us as we grow, learn, and make an impact together. Hey fundraiser, come on in. You have found yourself at the podcast where we tackle the parts of major gift work that nobody wants to talk about, but really everybody experiences. My name is Mary Peterson, and today we are diving into a donor dynamic that can even make the most seasoned fundraisers spiral. Your prospect was warm, engaged, responsive, and then Cricut Symphony. You have emailed, you have called, maybe even sent a handwritten note, and now you're wondering, did I do something wrong? If this is you, today's episode is really going to help you understand why donors go silent, know what to say to them, and really what not to say, and how to re-enter this conversation with confidence. Just know, fundraiser, that silence doesn't always mean no, and it definitely does not mean you should disappear from their lives. So let's dig into why do donors go silent? First of all, let's get you out of your head for a second. Many fundraisers, we start to take it personally. I know I always did when you know a donor's not calling back, or I had a really good thing and a really good rapport with somebody, and now they've started ghosting me. Here are the most common reasons that you're being ghosted. One, life just gets busy. People have vacations, people have family emergencies, there's just all kinds of things that happen. You know, we have busy lives, donors have busy lives, life gets busy. Another reason is they're just not ready to commit to a gift or commit to the organization, and they don't want to say no. This happens, fundraiser, a lot more than you think. People would rather ghost you than to have to tell you the hard truth that they're not ready to make a gift yet, or that I really want to be involved, but I can't be involved right now. Like they would rather ghost you. The other reason, also quite frequent, is that they forgot to reply and now they feel awkward. So you know how I don't know if this happens to you, but it happens to me. Like a friend will text, and I'm like, okay, I know I need to get back to them. And then a couple days go by, I've gotten back to my life. The friend texts again and is like, hey, and then I'm like, oh no, I feel weird, I feel awkward, I haven't gotten back. And so I'm, you know, kind of paralyzed on what to do. So this happens with donors too. They forget to reply and now they feel awkward. The other reason is they're kind of waiting for more clarity. Like, I've actually had prospects and donors say to me, like, give me a more compelling reason to not ghost you. Uh now they didn't say it exactly like that, but that's what they were really saying. So they kind of put it back on me, and I thought, wow, I need to be a little bit more creative when I'm working with them and trying to get them to begin a like a communication rhythm with me. But here's here's the hard cold truth, which you know, fundraiser, I will always tell you. Donors are not obligated to be perfect communicators. But you, as a fundraiser, are still allowed to follow up. But when you follow up, be kind, be confident, and do it without apology, fundraiser. So now that we know why donors tend to ghost you, let's talk about what not to do. If a donor hasn't replied in weeks or months and you are kind of getting back to them or they do reach out, you want to avoid these common traps. You do not want to guilt trip your donors and prospects. You don't want to say, I haven't heard back from you. You don't want to say, you said you were interested. These are things that are gonna kill a relationship faster than it can get started. So do not guilt trip anybody like while you're leaving messages, while you're um sending emails or texts, or if somebody does get back in touch with you, we don't need to say, wow, it's been a while. Like you don't have to address it at all. Okay, another thing not to do, don't over-apologize. It is your job to be in touch with people like this, these prospects and donors. You don't have to say things like, sorry to bother you again, or I know you're really busy, but first of all, it makes you look weak, which you don't want. You want confidence. Donors respond to confidence. You don't want to over-apologize. There is no need for you to over-apologize. I know that as fundraisers, we tend to do that. We tend to do it when we ask for gifts, which we shouldn't do, and we do it when we're we feel like we're putting somebody out. Like, gosh, I've I've left four voicemails and I don't know. Like, you don't need to overapologize. The other thing that you do not want to do is to go silent yourself. Too many fundraisers completely stop their follow-up out of fear, and then really lose the donor. So you have to remember, it's we tend to take it personally like, oh, they don't like me, they don't like the organization, I did something wrong. The most common reasons for ghosting are life got busy, they forgot to reply, and now they feel awkward about it, they're waiting on a better reason to respond, or they're just not ready to commit and they don't want to have an awkward conversation with you. That doesn't mean that you should stop following up. So now we've covered some things not to do. I want to give you some tips and tricks for what to say instead. You want to be warm, clear, low pressure. So here are some frameworks that work. So, first, you could do the generous exit. You could say something like, I know timing and priority shift all the time. If now isn't the right time, I completely understand, but I want to make sure I didn't drop the ball on my end. The reason that this works is it gives them a very graceful way to either opt out or re-engage. So you're gonna get one of two answers. One is, oh my gosh, I just it's just been crazy my life, all these things have been happening. Let's get back on track, which we love. Or they're gonna say, you know, now's really not the right time. And that's okay too, fundraiser. So the generous exit allows you to come from a place of strength and a place of confidence, but also let them out or re-engage either way they want to go. Okay, the second thing that's worked really well for me in the past is what I like to call the still here nudge. So you might put in an email or you know, on a in a voicemail, you could say something like, Hey, I'm just circling back in case my last message got buried. Totally understand if now is not the right time, but I'm still excited about the potential to partner with you on this. Now, what's great about this is it signals persistence without all of the pressure. Like you're you're not putting it on them, like, oh, they heard your message and they're not getting back to you. You're saying, hey, I know that life gets busy. Just in case my message got buried, you know, but I'm excited. If you want to continue, let's continue. So the still here nudge, very helpful. Hey fundraiser. Before you sign up for another fundraising conference where you might leave with a good tote bag, but zero strategy to raise more money, let me invite you to Major Gift Momentum. This is my private coaching group where you'll get weekly coaching calls with me, access to my full major gift curriculum, and a community that's actually moving the needle. Major Gift Momentum isn't based in theory, it's based in action. Members are closing five and six-figure gifts within three months of joining. Heather just closed a$245,000 gift. Jaslin just closed a$212,000 campaign gift, and Georgette just got a$500,000 commitment all within three months of joining Momentum. Each of these Momentum members didn't think the donor would give that much, but once I taught them my method, they are raising money at a whole new level. So would you like in fundraiser? If you do, go to heyfundraiser.com forward slash momentum and let's get started. The next one that is quite effective is the value add follow-up. You might say something to your prospect or donor in a text or you know, however you're communicating with them. Hey, I just saw this update on the program we talked about. I immediately thought of you, I'd love to reconnect when it makes sense. Now, what's awesome about this is it it's regrounding the conversation in a shared interest and it's very mission-centered. So figure out something that's happening in a program that you know they care about, that they maybe have mentioned to you in the past. Find that nugget, send it to them, and it's just like this add value follow-up. Okay, the last one I want to give you today is also really effective. I like to call it the pause or proceed email. And what's amazing about this is it respects their bandwidth and gives them agency. So I like to send this email and it goes something like this. If now is not the right time to continue our conversation, I can absolutely pause outreach, circle back later this year, just let me know what's easiest for you. So, what you're doing is a couple things here. One is you're keeping the ball in your court. Like I can follow up later in the year, I'll circle back. But you're also telling them that this, that you they're not going to hear for from you for a while. Don't ever underestimate the power of FOMO. People don't want to be considered taken off the list. So when you have a pause or proceed email that's kind of like, you know, putting the pause or saying, Do you want to proceed? What happens is this tends to get a response. So use it at the right time. So now I want to go through some tips and tricks for restarting your relationship. It isn't uncommon for a donor or a prospect to ghost you for four to six months and then come back and say, Hey, I'm ready to talk now, which is which is great. So when they do respond, again, don't pretend the silence never happened. You just don't want to dwell on it. You could say something like, I'm so glad we are reconnecting. I've been thinking about how your leadership could shape this work. You want to pick things up with purpose. Now, if they ghost you a second time, fundraiser, at that point, you need to decide when to close the loop. But you always need to do it with kindness and confidence. Now, if you've looked at any of my other content or you are in my momentum program, you know that I have a pretty stringent bless and release policy. When I reach out to a donor, I reach out three times. I use different mediums, I have a whole process. I'll put a link in the show notes if you're if you're interested in seeing it. Um, I have a three-step method. I I reach out via phone. The second time is also via phone, but I also send an email and then I reference the email in the in the voicemail. And then the third is a text and a voicemail. And if you'd like my scripts, you know, I'll put them all below. But if the donor doesn't get back to me, especially if it's a new relationship, I bless and release. And I know that's really hard, but there are other prospects to pursue. And believe me, I have spent way too much time chasing donors and prospects that don't want to be communicated with. So if you if you get ghosted and then they come back and then they ghost you again, like if it's it's really choppy and it's really hard to build a relationship, fundraiser, that is when you decide when to close the loop and bless and release. Okay, we've really covered a lot today. So I'm putting a couple things in the show notes today. One is a free download, donor re-engagement scripts that actually work. So these are five customizable templates that have worked for me for years, and it's gonna help you reconnect with donors without feeling weird. But fundraiser, and I'll put a few other uh tools in the show notes. But if I want to leave you with a couple thoughts. Donor silence is not failure, it's just a pause, and you can choose to press play again. If this helped, please follow the podcast, leave us a review, and maybe share this with a colleague who is being ghosted by a prospect or kind of second guessing if they're doing the right things. This is something that all fundraisers face. So just know you are not alone. Oftentimes we get ghosted. What we don't talk about is how to fix it. So I hope that this helped you today. Okay, fundraiser, thanks. Hey fundraiser, thanks so much for being here today. Did you know that we create a special page for each episode that contains helpful links, episode highlights, standout quotes, and freebies? Check it out in today's podcast description. If you loved what you heard today, would you kindly give us a rating and review? It really helps other fundraising professionals find our Hey Fundraiser community. I'm Mary Peterson and thank you for listening.